I really enjoy the theme of your stories. I think it is cool that you are giving your own twist on the classic Grimm Brothers stories. For your introduction I think it would be cool if you kept the conversation tone, but made it come from an actual character! This character could be jealous of the Grimm brothers or be their enemy! I think it could add drama and a fun backstory to your storybook. I am really interested to see if you keep the happily ever after or if you are going to shake it up and make it dark! I think that this type of story gives you so much creative freedom! Overall, I like the layout of your blog, it reminds me of an old storybook!! The font you chose is a little hard to read, but that might just be me! Great story and I can’t wait to see what you do with these classic stories!!
I think this is an amazing theme. There is so much plot twisting you can do for these and really shake up how we, the reader, view fairytales. I think some great questions who can think through are: who is telling these stories? Will there be an overarching theme that each fairytale ends with, or is it strictly random? Are the princesses and princes different? Is the princess less of a damsel in distress and more of a heroic character in themselves? I love this idea and can't wait to see which route you take it.
First, I like the layout of your blog, it is clean and well organized with a great color scheme. The sort of "hand written" font gives it a story book vibe.
I like your idea to shake up some classic fairy tales, it leaves you with a lot of creative options. However, I hope you change more than just the endings of the classics you choose, especially with your great idea to do crossover stories with other traditional characters. A lot of stuff happens in each story before the ending, plenty of places for the interfering characters to cause some chaos. I certainly can't wait to see what ideas you ultimately pursue for your upcoming stories.
Thanks so much for sharing. I really enjoyed it. Good luck with finishing your storybook, hopefully I'll get it assigned again later this semester. Finally, good luck with the rest of the upcoming semester.
The theme you chose for your storybook allows you a lot of creative freedom and I am very excited about that. Even though you gave away your secret in the Introduction, the reader will have no way of guessing who you will add to the story and I think that is wonderful.
Before I read your introduction I was thinking to myself that this is going to be another rendition of the same stories, but you initially addressed that and said what you were going to do differently which really caught my attention. It would be cool if you added characters from other cultures rather than other character from The Brother's Grimm. One of my ideas for a storybook was to have character equivalents between two cultures come together and meet, you can try that maybe?
I am expecting something sort of like Shrek, which is not a bad thing. In fact it makes me very excited to read the stories your will write later in the semester.
I always love it when writers mix classic tales with a modern, conversational voice, and that’s something you’ve pulled off with style here; I’m curious to see if that ends up extending to the stories, too. Beyond that, I think you’ve got a really clever concept here—because most fairy tales tend to be set in the same generic world, they should overlap pretty well, and it should be a fun way for you to spice up the original stories everyone’s heard a million times.
The only piece of constructive criticism I have for you is that you might want to watch your tense—you switch between past and present tense a little in the beginning. But the idea of fairy tale characters crossing over like comic book characters sounds insanely fun, and I look forward to seeing how that plays out, especially since you’ve left the different crossover match-ups a surprise.
It's always fun getting to see the pre-Disneyfied versions of fairy tales. Specifically, seeing all of the dark twists that occurred and were nixed in order to make each story fit a G-rating. I haven't ever read any of the Brothers Grimm stories, and this seems like a great way to be introduced to it. As others have said, the conversational tone used in your introduction is great. If you perhaps had a would-be villain or other character narrate it with a hint of spite it might make it even better. Sympathizing with the "villains" of stories is always a fun way to turn stereotypes on their head. I am very excited to see where these fairy tales take you. The dark twists of the Brothers Grimm are something I am sure you will have a very fun time with, especially once you get to tweak those how you like. Have fun!
I think your introduction to your future writing is very well done. It really explains the goals that you plan for your own writing. I can't think of any other way to write your intro, so well done. Personally, I find that the font that is used on your page is hard to read. It's hard to see the punctuation and I just find the handwritten font hard to pick up. I see how it is relevant due to the storytelling aspect and that we are essentially going to be reading a storybook twisted plot. Just some food for thought on that. I think that your website needs a little more graphics or magical pattern background. It just seems very dull in comparison to the hype and excitement built by your writing.
I look forward to seeing your changes and development of your story.
Hi Bailey! FOr starters, I really enjoy your blog right off the bat. It is very organized and easy to follow! The intro was really well written and very entertaining. I like how you got right to the point. I do agree with Chris in that if you had a villain who was spiteful about something, it may be even more interesting! I love fairy tales and seeing how people can recreate them into stories we can more closely relate to nowadays. Regardless, very good job and cannot wait to read more of your stories in the future!
What an intriguing premise! I like where you’re going with this. It’s clever that you’re rewriting stories we don’t typically know (it’s always fun to hear something new), but sticking in someone we’ll recognize, so that it’s a good mix of familiar and unfamiliar.
Something rather small is that I think you may be switching tenses a bit. In the first sentence, you say “everyone becomes,” but in the second you switch to saying everyone “heard”. It may sound more natural if you say they “hear” instead, just to keep things consistent. Also, what about adding two more verbs to the second sentence? Saying “They hear… through… voices…, see with their own eyes…, and experience through movies…”, it may feel a bit more fitting.
I assume you’ll be adding a small description of each story as you go? You did a good job of giving the reader something to go on, while keeping the details and the end a total secret.
This is a good start! It’ll be exciting to see where the rest can go.
Your introduction is very intriguing and I think you left yourself a lot of creative room to write and develop the stories. I personally have always loved the Grimm brothers and think your new idea on them will be very fun. I do hope you will explain which story the strange character came from and why you chose that one in your notes. I will be curious to know the thought process behind the character placement. Very small point, but may want to keep your use of tense consistent. It usually makes things flow a bit better. Also, I wonder if we will receive more description of the stories in the author's notes later? I would have liked to hear more about them, but understand you don't want to give everything away in the introduction. Overall, I think your concept is fascinating and will make a wonderful storybook project. Your writing is fun and easy to read and the creative freedom you have left yourself will allow for some very interesting stories. I look forward to reading more.
I thought your introduction was really good and I thought you gave yourself a lot of different ways you can go with it. I liked your overview of old classic tales like beauty and the beast, snow white, and hansel and grettle, a lot of people dont know much about them other than the disney adaptions of these stories so I thought it was good that you made the comarison to brothers grimm. I think something that could be cool is have one of the characters in each story give the description just to make it more interesting. But overall I really like your project and will be checking back to read more!
I liked the picture that you included at the beginning it made me really, really excited to read the stories. I haven’t read the Grimm Fairytales, but I was still very, very excited to read what you came up with! Since there was so story to evaluate and offer help on. I’ll just have to stick with what I do have. The title of your introduction is perfect. It entices readers and makes them curious about who you are bringing into your stories. I also think your introduction was great in that aspect, as well. If you can consistently keep having lead-ins to the next story throughout your portfolio I think that it really could be something special. The main title of your portfolio “The Brothers Grimm” is simple and straight to the point, but what the Grimm brothers do not lack is creativity. I think going all out on your layout and maybe darkening your colors to a more royal colors could really give it an old school feel.
This is such a fun theme, and an incredible first story! I really loved how the goats worked together with Little Red Riding Hood to defeat the wolf that is probably terrorizing the whole town. It makes total sense for it to be the same wolf, too! I'm really glad Red followed through with the plan too, I got worried for the goats for a second. I really can't think of any criticism for this story. It was well written, had a fantastic picture accompanying it, and it flowed well. I do have a couple of random ideas, though. Maybe you could tie all of the stories together somehow? Like, the next story has people gossiping about what happened to the wolf, or one of the characters from your previous story is in the next story! I really like the idea of picturing one big fairy tale universe, and think it would be really cool to push that as far as you can! Have you ever thought about incorporating some of the original, more gruesome fairy tales into this story book? Anyway, I'm looking forward to reading your next fairy tale mash up! Keep up the good work :)
Bailey, When first opening your page it really set the tone! I really felt the classic fairy tale vibe from it. Going on to your introduction. The flow was very nice and I couldn't stop reading. I also loved how you set up the stories you are going to tell us. By asking the question of who will be the unexpected visitor.
Starting off with your story. Make sure you decide if you want to use past or present tense, don't go back and forth between the two. You also had just a couple of typos. But overall I really liked the story. Having the two story combined added a little touch to it. You kept me engaged the whole time. I can't wait to read the rest of your stories. Good luck!
Wow, your introduction is very beautifully written! It was a very good opening that set up what you were going to do while displaying your incredible writing. I also really like your concept, my grandfather and I always loved reading fairytales together so this really warmed my heart a little bit!
This is a very weird and aesthetic thing, but I love love love the font on your website. LOVE. It's very pleasant on the eyes, and kind of works with the story to be honest! I also liked the pictures that you used in each of these. Usually my comments on Storybooks are about changing the pictures on each page, making them more modern, etc., but I think these fit pretty well!!
These stories were also really beautifully combined. I kept thinking that it was only one story because the portions of each were so familiar, yet fuzzy enough that I thought they were supposed to be together! This really felt seamless and I was happy to read it.
I really like the topic of your storybook. I think it’s interesting to play around with the different characters and combine them into one story. In your introduction, I think you did a great job at telling us what to expect. I agree with you that growing up we are usually familiar with some of the more popular stories and not the others. I think it’s super cool that you are mixing in popular characters to the stories that most of us aren’t familiar with. It’s a great way for readers like me to be introduced to more of the Grimm Brothers stories. I think it will be fun to read if you added more characters to a story instead of just one. When I read your story, seeing Little Red made it really exciting, so I bet if there were more familiar characters it would be even more exciting. That’s just a thought though. Overall, you did a great job and I enjoyed reading your storybook. I can’t wait to see what others stories you come up with!
Your site looks great! The colors and images go with your fun theme and compliment the stories well.
Your introduction was great! I love that you gave us a little taste of the stories- it definitely made me excited to read them!
Your first story has a great title, and I can already tell what it might be about. This is a wonderful twist on the original story. I can tell that you're very creative, and had fun with this story. And, of course, I love a happy ending!
You do a great job explaining your thought process in your author's note. I think it's a really cool idea to combine lesser-known stories and turning them into a whole different fairy tale!
Bailey, Just like you, I grew up with my mom and dad reading me fair tails before I went to bed. Usually they were the stories about princesses but every now and then they would mix it up and read my Hansel and Grettel or Little Red Riding Hood. As me and my sister grew up, we both began to read more of the Brother's Grimm's original versions of these stories and even preferred the. I love how creative you got with the retelling by combining the original stories with the modern ones that majority of us know or grew up with. I read "The Wolf and the Seven Young Kids". First off, I love the play of words with kids being a double meaning for children and for baby goats. Also I love how you had the kids in cahoots with Little Red to take down the big bad wolf. I think it was a fun spin that the youngsters were the one to take down the wolf without any adult help. In the other two version, there is always an adult there to fix everything so it was nice to read something where the kids were the ones to save the day. Great work!
I love the idea of writing about lesser known fairy tales, but still adding in characters that the majority of people are familiar with. I also thought that your introduction was successful by giving the reader brief a synopsis of your future stories! I also really liked the twist you added in “The Elves?” I had heard of both the stories you used before, but I would have never thought to combine them. I think you did a great job with that.
I did notice that you spelled anonymous wrong in the sentence starting with “because of your curiosity.” Also the sentence "he awoke the next morning" seemed a little bit off. I think it was the part where you say “tools in hand when he got there.” I think the sentence might flow better if it was just something like ",tools in hand," without "when he got there."
Hi! I am also doing a Brothers Grimm themed storybook so I really wanted to check yours out to see how you were doing it! I think it's awesome that you are telling the stories that people haven't heard yet. I almost went for this route as well. The pictures you chose are amazing and I love the mood of your storybook. The introduction looks great and makes me want to read more. I thought your first story was great and I love that you combined two stories, and you gave great detail in your author's note so that I understood what you took from the original. I'm surprised at how similar our ideas were, I also combined Little Red Cap with another story, and I think that's great! It basically tells two stories in one. Overall, I don't really see any changes that need to be made and I think you are doing a great job.
In the Wolf and Seven Kids, I really like how you blended two stories together. You were creative in incorporating them together and making the kids and Little Red help each other. As I read, I did not imagine Little Red coming in the story. Her appearance was a nice surprise. I like how you did not forget about the mother goat in the end. She was a minor character, but you did not forget about her.
I wonder if the kids just let to wolf gobble them up. Did they run around and act scared? Although there is a picture showing a part of how they reacted, it would be helpful to read it as well.
Aside from this, when the wolf’s stomach was cut open, I wonder if he felt anything while he was sleeping. Or was he sleeping deeply, which is why he could not feel anything?
I enjoyed your story "The Elves" about the shoemaker and the little man (Rumplestiltskin). I think the font you chose for your storybook really gives it a realistic, handwritten feel, which is cool. I think you did a really good job at blending elements of both of your chosen stories together - it really flowed and felt seamless! I love that you kept in the song that Rumplestiltskin sings, but that you changed the words to fit your own story. Throughout the story, I was definitely curious as to why the little man would be helping the shoemaker. Was he getting any benefit out of it? What were his motivations? Those are the only things I can think of that may be worth adding, even just briefly, because it definitely seemed odd that he would work so hard for no reason. I think this may be especially important because of the rhyme he sings - he doesn't seem to enjoy helping the shoemaker, so there's gotta be a reason he suddenly started doing it, ya know? Anyway, overall I really enjoyed the story, and thought it was cute and very clever. Oh, you do have a small typo - the word anonymous in the third paragraph.
This was a super cute story. I loved it! But I have to say the logic is a bit weird (no fault of your own). Haha I mean why would chalk make his voice softer? and why cut the wolf open and then sew him back up full of rocks? Surely a wolf with a cut open stomach would die of blood loss! But that's just how old stories go I guess.
I love how you combined these to make a unique story. They really sound like an original grimm fairy tale honestly. I think what I would like to see is the story expanded just a bit. I think it would be great if you could add in a little bit more about the wolf, maybe what he's thinking or some longer descriptions of what he's doing. That might round the story out a little bit. It's very good as is though.
Bailey, Your introduction immediately captured my attention and made me want to read your stories. I was excited to meet the unexpected visitors in your stories. It was obvious you really love stories and your writing style is very enjoyable. I read the story The Elves?, and I was intrigued by the changes you made. It felt like the normal story of the shoemaker and the elves, but I was happily surprised when I found out the unexpected visitor was Rumplestiltskin. I think you blended the two stories together quite well. I would like to have known how Rumplestiltskin came to be in the shoemaker's shop, stitching splendid shoes every night. That might be the only detail that left me wanting more. It was sad to read that the shoemaker died, even though he died a wealthy man. You are a talented writer, and I look forward to reading more of your stories! Thorpe
Hey Bailey! I love the Grimm Brothers fairy tales, and I like that you chose to use them for retelling. The idea of different characters wandering into different stories is really fun and unique! I like that it gives you a lot of room to explore different stories and situations while sticking to a single source. Your introduction is very conversational, which drew me in right away. I think you do a nice job here setting up the premise of your storybook and letting us know what stories you plan to tell. I wonder if there's a way you could make it more creative though? Maybe you could write it like a mother telling a kid a bedtime story? The actual stories were both great! I thought you did an excellent job of seamlessly weaving the story lines and characters together. I'm excited to see where you go from here. Keep up the awesome work!
Hi Bailey. I love that you chose the Grimm Brothers fairy tales. I really enjoyed your collaboration of characters into different stories. I don't think I have the imagination for that, but you do a wonderful job of it. In your introduction you did a good job at bringing the reader in right away and telling us straight up the stories that you will be sharing. I would love to see you implement some theme into the introduction though, like someway of introducing your stories to the reader. Overall great work and can't wait to read more of your stories.
Your combination of different stories from the Brother's Grimm is so great and creative! The stories that you are choosing are well known classics so it is really refreshing to read your versions of them.
One way I think that you can make the reading experience even better is if you wrote your stories as if they were being told. The stories and fairy tales collected by the Grimm brothers were once passed along orally usually told during bedtime. It would be cool if you can set up the scene of a storyteller telling us the story instead of us just reading it. It would be so much more immersive that way!
I enjoy your theme and your website layout. The font and the colors are all inviting and it makes me really want to read your stories. Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading your other stories throughout the remainder of the semester!
I love the idea of your storybook in adding a guest from different fairy tales together. It was very interesting to see some characters appear in different setting. For the first story, I am confused by how the young kids trusted the Red Riding Hood to allow themselves to be swallowed by a wolf in order to help her rescues her grandmother. Wouldn’t they ever doubt that Red Riding Hood is a bad person? What if she is cannot rescue them from the wolf like they planned? Other than that, your story is great. For your second story, I really like the two stories you combined together. I think it is very clever. I have never thought that Rumplestiltskin would replace the elves, but the story turned out interesting. I actually don’t like the ending of the original Rumplestiltskin because I think he did not deserve to die. He made a deal with an ambitious girl who wanted to be Queen that she was will to sell her child. It was not his fault for keeping the deal, but his ending was sad. I love how you give him a better ending. I really like your stories. Keep the good work!
I really like the idea of having characters from different fairytales going into each others' stories. This seems to be a common theme in recent fairy tale adaptations, like the movie Hoodwinked. Given that most of the Brothers Grimm stories originated from areas that were geographically close, it seems likely that at least one or two of these characters would meet. In "Allerleirauh," you say she has "gold hair." You should write that as "golden hair," since her hair isn't made of gold. i'm not sure if you would want to use a different font for the storybook. There might be some gothic fonts available if you want it to look like a book published in the 1700s or 1800s. If these stories are more about oral recitation, this font is perfect. Overall, I think this was a very strong storybook. I'd like to read more chapters where the characters from very different stories meet and interact.
So with the golden blonde hair I immediately thought of Rapunzel. Then when reading more into the story I thought it was like Cinderella. When reading your author's note I saw that they were similar to what I was thinking. I had never heard of the first story before. I think you did a great job in writing this story. I like how you took two stories and made them a story of your own. I also like the fact that you changed the part were the king married his daughter. I enjoy your ending to the story so much better. I also like the way that Aschenputtel is saved from her wicked stepmother by Allerleriauh. It makes the two stories really tie together. Again, I think you did a great job on writing this story. I can't wait to read more of your stories in the future! Keep up the creative work.
First of all, I have to admit that I loved reading all your stories as I found them all very fantastic. I really love how you combined stories and characters, this made everything much more interesting. Your style of writing is definitely original and I also like a lot your background, I believe the theme you have used and the letter style pulls the reader into the story. Your introduction is also very nice as it provided everything we needed to know about your stories before reading them. However, I did not really understand how did the wolf swallow the young kids while being aware of the danger. I am also very glad that you included Rumpelsiltskin because although being evil and dark, he is one of my favorite fairy tale characters. However, I did not really like that he dies at the end… Thank you for these amazing stories that I really enjoyed reading, keep it up!
Hey Bailey, I think your stories are great. They flow together really well and after reading two of them I was like, “wait these are two different stories?” I like how it’s not even noticeable that you combined two different stories. In the story, “The Elves?” I think adding the Rumplestiltskin story was very fitting. The pictures you included also brought this story to life. As I was reading, I could picture this all together. I really like how you add a story that people aren’t familiar with as well. For example, the story “Allerleirah.” I personally haven’t heard that story before so I was really interested when that I read that story. Overall, I think you are doing an amazing job! This is a really great storybook!
Hey Bailey! I want to start by commenting on your storybook layout. It's organized with a great color scheme and the font really adds to your storybook. As for your writing, you chose a great subject to write over. The Grimm stories are perfect since there are so many stories, it leaves you with a lot of creative possibilities. Your introduction is pretty good, it's straight to the point which works. The title of your introduction really intrigues readers and makes them curious about who you are bringing into your stories. I really can't think of any criticism for your storybook. It was well written, I didn't see any mistakes with grammar or anything. They flow together really well. The two stories you combined was seamless. There was a story in your storybook that I had not read or even heard of which was a pleasant surprise. You did a great job!
I really enjoy the theme of your stories. I think it is cool that you are giving your own twist on the classic Grimm Brothers stories. For your introduction I think it would be cool if you kept the conversation tone, but made it come from an actual character! This character could be jealous of the Grimm brothers or be their enemy! I think it could add drama and a fun backstory to your storybook. I am really interested to see if you keep the happily ever after or if you are going to shake it up and make it dark! I think that this type of story gives you so much creative freedom! Overall, I like the layout of your blog, it reminds me of an old storybook!! The font you chose is a little hard to read, but that might just be me! Great story and I can’t wait to see what you do with these classic stories!!
ReplyDeleteI think this is an amazing theme. There is so much plot twisting you can do for these and really shake up how we, the reader, view fairytales. I think some great questions who can think through are: who is telling these stories? Will there be an overarching theme that each fairytale ends with, or is it strictly random? Are the princesses and princes different? Is the princess less of a damsel in distress and more of a heroic character in themselves? I love this idea and can't wait to see which route you take it.
ReplyDeleteBailey,
ReplyDeleteFirst, I like the layout of your blog, it is clean and well organized with a great color scheme. The sort of "hand written" font gives it a story book vibe.
I like your idea to shake up some classic fairy tales, it leaves you with a lot of creative options. However, I hope you change more than just the endings of the classics you choose, especially with your great idea to do crossover stories with other traditional characters. A lot of stuff happens in each story before the ending, plenty of places for the interfering characters to cause some chaos. I certainly can't wait to see what ideas you ultimately pursue for your upcoming stories.
Thanks so much for sharing. I really enjoyed it. Good luck with finishing your storybook, hopefully I'll get it assigned again later this semester. Finally, good luck with the rest of the upcoming semester.
Andrew
The theme you chose for your storybook allows you a lot of creative freedom and I am very excited about that. Even though you gave away your secret in the Introduction, the reader will have no way of guessing who you will add to the story and I think that is wonderful.
ReplyDeleteBefore I read your introduction I was thinking to myself that this is going to be another rendition of the same stories, but you initially addressed that and said what you were going to do differently which really caught my attention. It would be cool if you added characters from other cultures rather than other character from The Brother's Grimm. One of my ideas for a storybook was to have character equivalents between two cultures come together and meet, you can try that maybe?
I am expecting something sort of like Shrek, which is not a bad thing. In fact it makes me very excited to read the stories your will write later in the semester.
I always love it when writers mix classic tales with a modern, conversational voice, and that’s something you’ve pulled off with style here; I’m curious to see if that ends up extending to the stories, too. Beyond that, I think you’ve got a really clever concept here—because most fairy tales tend to be set in the same generic world, they should overlap pretty well, and it should be a fun way for you to spice up the original stories everyone’s heard a million times.
ReplyDeleteThe only piece of constructive criticism I have for you is that you might want to watch your tense—you switch between past and present tense a little in the beginning. But the idea of fairy tale characters crossing over like comic book characters sounds insanely fun, and I look forward to seeing how that plays out, especially since you’ve left the different crossover match-ups a surprise.
It's always fun getting to see the pre-Disneyfied versions of fairy tales. Specifically, seeing all of the dark twists that occurred and were nixed in order to make each story fit a G-rating. I haven't ever read any of the Brothers Grimm stories, and this seems like a great way to be introduced to it. As others have said, the conversational tone used in your introduction is great. If you perhaps had a would-be villain or other character narrate it with a hint of spite it might make it even better. Sympathizing with the "villains" of stories is always a fun way to turn stereotypes on their head. I am very excited to see where these fairy tales take you. The dark twists of the Brothers Grimm are something I am sure you will have a very fun time with, especially once you get to tweak those how you like. Have fun!
ReplyDeleteBailey,
ReplyDeleteI think your introduction to your future writing is very well done. It really explains the goals that you plan for your own writing. I can't think of any other way to write your intro, so well done. Personally, I find that the font that is used on your page is hard to read. It's hard to see the punctuation and I just find the handwritten font hard to pick up. I see how it is relevant due to the storytelling aspect and that we are essentially going to be reading a storybook twisted plot. Just some food for thought on that. I think that your website needs a little more graphics or magical pattern background. It just seems very dull in comparison to the hype and excitement built by your writing.
I look forward to seeing your changes and development of your story.
Hi Bailey!
ReplyDeleteFOr starters, I really enjoy your blog right off the bat. It is very organized and easy to follow! The intro was really well written and very entertaining. I like how you got right to the point. I do agree with Chris in that if you had a villain who was spiteful about something, it may be even more interesting! I love fairy tales and seeing how people can recreate them into stories we can more closely relate to nowadays. Regardless, very good job and cannot wait to read more of your stories in the future!
ReplyDeleteWhat an intriguing premise! I like where you’re going with this. It’s clever that you’re rewriting stories we don’t typically know (it’s always fun to hear something new), but sticking in someone we’ll recognize, so that it’s a good mix of familiar and unfamiliar.
Something rather small is that I think you may be switching tenses a bit. In the first sentence, you say “everyone becomes,” but in the second you switch to saying everyone “heard”. It may sound more natural if you say they “hear” instead, just to keep things consistent. Also, what about adding two more verbs to the second sentence? Saying “They hear… through… voices…, see with their own eyes…, and experience through movies…”, it may feel a bit more fitting.
I assume you’ll be adding a small description of each story as you go? You did a good job of giving the reader something to go on, while keeping the details and the end a total secret.
This is a good start! It’ll be exciting to see where the rest can go.
Your introduction is very intriguing and I think you left yourself a lot of creative room to write and develop the stories. I personally have always loved the Grimm brothers and think your new idea on them will be very fun. I do hope you will explain which story the strange character came from and why you chose that one in your notes. I will be curious to know the thought process behind the character placement.
ReplyDeleteVery small point, but may want to keep your use of tense consistent. It usually makes things flow a bit better.
Also, I wonder if we will receive more description of the stories in the author's notes later? I would have liked to hear more about them, but understand you don't want to give everything away in the introduction.
Overall, I think your concept is fascinating and will make a wonderful storybook project. Your writing is fun and easy to read and the creative freedom you have left yourself will allow for some very interesting stories. I look forward to reading more.
Hey Bailey,
ReplyDeleteI thought your introduction was really good and I thought you gave yourself a lot of different ways you can go with it. I liked your overview of old classic tales like beauty and the beast, snow white, and hansel and grettle, a lot of people dont know much about them other than the disney adaptions of these stories so I thought it was good that you made the comarison to brothers grimm. I think something that could be cool is have one of the characters in each story give the description just to make it more interesting. But overall I really like your project and will be checking back to read more!
I liked the picture that you included at the beginning it made me really, really excited to read the stories. I haven’t read the Grimm Fairytales, but I was still very, very excited to read what you came up with! Since there was so story to evaluate and offer help on. I’ll just have to stick with what I do have. The title of your introduction is perfect. It entices readers and makes them curious about who you are bringing into your stories. I also think your introduction was great in that aspect, as well. If you can consistently keep having lead-ins to the next story throughout your portfolio I think that it really could be something special. The main title of your portfolio “The Brothers Grimm” is simple and straight to the point, but what the Grimm brothers do not lack is creativity. I think going all out on your layout and maybe darkening your colors to a more royal colors could really give it an old school feel.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a fun theme, and an incredible first story! I really loved how the goats worked together with Little Red Riding Hood to defeat the wolf that is probably terrorizing the whole town. It makes total sense for it to be the same wolf, too! I'm really glad Red followed through with the plan too, I got worried for the goats for a second.
ReplyDeleteI really can't think of any criticism for this story. It was well written, had a fantastic picture accompanying it, and it flowed well. I do have a couple of random ideas, though. Maybe you could tie all of the stories together somehow? Like, the next story has people gossiping about what happened to the wolf, or one of the characters from your previous story is in the next story! I really like the idea of picturing one big fairy tale universe, and think it would be really cool to push that as far as you can! Have you ever thought about incorporating some of the original, more gruesome fairy tales into this story book?
Anyway, I'm looking forward to reading your next fairy tale mash up! Keep up the good work :)
Bailey,
ReplyDeleteWhen first opening your page it really set the tone! I really felt the classic fairy tale vibe from it. Going on to your introduction. The flow was very nice and I couldn't stop reading. I also loved how you set up the stories you are going to tell us. By asking the question of who will be the unexpected visitor.
Starting off with your story. Make sure you decide if you want to use past or present tense, don't go back and forth between the two. You also had just a couple of typos. But overall I really liked the story. Having the two story combined added a little touch to it. You kept me engaged the whole time. I can't wait to read the rest of your stories. Good luck!
Wow, your introduction is very beautifully written! It was a very good opening that set up what you were going to do while displaying your incredible writing. I also really like your concept, my grandfather and I always loved reading fairytales together so this really warmed my heart a little bit!
ReplyDeleteThis is a very weird and aesthetic thing, but I love love love the font on your website. LOVE. It's very pleasant on the eyes, and kind of works with the story to be honest! I also liked the pictures that you used in each of these. Usually my comments on Storybooks are about changing the pictures on each page, making them more modern, etc., but I think these fit pretty well!!
These stories were also really beautifully combined. I kept thinking that it was only one story because the portions of each were so familiar, yet fuzzy enough that I thought they were supposed to be together! This really felt seamless and I was happy to read it.
I really like the topic of your storybook. I think it’s interesting to play around with the different characters and combine them into one story. In your introduction, I think you did a great job at telling us what to expect. I agree with you that growing up we are usually familiar with some of the more popular stories and not the others. I think it’s super cool that you are mixing in popular characters to the stories that most of us aren’t familiar with. It’s a great way for readers like me to be introduced to more of the Grimm Brothers stories.
ReplyDeleteI think it will be fun to read if you added more characters to a story instead of just one. When I read your story, seeing Little Red made it really exciting, so I bet if there were more familiar characters it would be even more exciting. That’s just a thought though.
Overall, you did a great job and I enjoyed reading your storybook. I can’t wait to see what others stories you come up with!
Hey, Bailey!
ReplyDeleteYour site looks great! The colors and images go with your fun theme and compliment the stories well.
Your introduction was great! I love that you gave us a little taste of the stories- it definitely made me excited to read them!
Your first story has a great title, and I can already tell what it might be about. This is a wonderful twist on the original story. I can tell that you're very creative, and had fun with this story. And, of course, I love a happy ending!
You do a great job explaining your thought process in your author's note. I think it's a really cool idea to combine lesser-known stories and turning them into a whole different fairy tale!
Great job, cant wait to read more!
Emily
Bailey,
ReplyDeleteJust like you, I grew up with my mom and dad reading me fair tails before I went to bed. Usually they were the stories about princesses but every now and then they would mix it up and read my Hansel and Grettel or Little Red Riding Hood. As me and my sister grew up, we both began to read more of the Brother's Grimm's original versions of these stories and even preferred the. I love how creative you got with the retelling by combining the original stories with the modern ones that majority of us know or grew up with. I read "The Wolf and the Seven Young Kids". First off, I love the play of words with kids being a double meaning for children and for baby goats. Also I love how you had the kids in cahoots with Little Red to take down the big bad wolf. I think it was a fun spin that the youngsters were the one to take down the wolf without any adult help. In the other two version, there is always an adult there to fix everything so it was nice to read something where the kids were the ones to save the day. Great work!
Hey Bailey!
ReplyDeleteI love the idea of writing about lesser known fairy tales, but still adding in characters that the majority of people are familiar with. I also thought that your introduction was successful by giving the reader brief a synopsis of your future stories! I also really liked the twist you added in “The Elves?” I had heard of both the stories you used before, but I would have never thought to combine them. I think you did a great job with that.
I did notice that you spelled anonymous wrong in the sentence starting with “because of your curiosity.” Also the sentence "he awoke the next morning" seemed a little bit off. I think it was the part where you say “tools in hand when he got there.” I think the sentence might flow better if it was just something like ",tools in hand," without "when he got there."
Good luck with the rest of your storybook!
Hi!
ReplyDeleteI am also doing a Brothers Grimm themed storybook so I really wanted to check yours out to see how you were doing it! I think it's awesome that you are telling the stories that people haven't heard yet. I almost went for this route as well. The pictures you chose are amazing and I love the mood of your storybook. The introduction looks great and makes me want to read more. I thought your first story was great and I love that you combined two stories, and you gave great detail in your author's note so that I understood what you took from the original. I'm surprised at how similar our ideas were, I also combined Little Red Cap with another story, and I think that's great! It basically tells two stories in one. Overall, I don't really see any changes that need to be made and I think you are doing a great job.
In the Wolf and Seven Kids, I really like how you blended two stories together. You were creative in incorporating them together and making the kids and Little Red help each other. As I read, I did not imagine Little Red coming in the story. Her appearance was a nice surprise. I like how you did not forget about the mother goat in the end. She was a minor character, but you did not forget about her.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if the kids just let to wolf gobble them up. Did they run around and act scared? Although there is a picture showing a part of how they reacted, it would be helpful to read it as well.
Aside from this, when the wolf’s stomach was cut open, I wonder if he felt anything while he was sleeping. Or was he sleeping deeply, which is why he could not feel anything?
I enjoyed your story "The Elves" about the shoemaker and the little man (Rumplestiltskin). I think the font you chose for your storybook really gives it a realistic, handwritten feel, which is cool. I think you did a really good job at blending elements of both of your chosen stories together - it really flowed and felt seamless! I love that you kept in the song that Rumplestiltskin sings, but that you changed the words to fit your own story. Throughout the story, I was definitely curious as to why the little man would be helping the shoemaker. Was he getting any benefit out of it? What were his motivations? Those are the only things I can think of that may be worth adding, even just briefly, because it definitely seemed odd that he would work so hard for no reason. I think this may be especially important because of the rhyme he sings - he doesn't seem to enjoy helping the shoemaker, so there's gotta be a reason he suddenly started doing it, ya know? Anyway, overall I really enjoyed the story, and thought it was cute and very clever.
ReplyDeleteOh, you do have a small typo - the word anonymous in the third paragraph.
This was a super cute story. I loved it! But I have to say the logic is a bit weird (no fault of your own). Haha I mean why would chalk make his voice softer? and why cut the wolf open and then sew him back up full of rocks? Surely a wolf with a cut open stomach would die of blood loss! But that's just how old stories go I guess.
ReplyDeleteI love how you combined these to make a unique story. They really sound like an original grimm fairy tale honestly. I think what I would like to see is the story expanded just a bit. I think it would be great if you could add in a little bit more about the wolf, maybe what he's thinking or some longer descriptions of what he's doing. That might round the story out a little bit. It's very good as is though.
Bailey,
ReplyDeleteYour introduction immediately captured my attention and made me want to read your stories. I was excited to meet the unexpected visitors in your stories. It was obvious you really love stories and your writing style is very enjoyable. I read the story The Elves?, and I was intrigued by the changes you made. It felt like the normal story of the shoemaker and the elves, but I was happily surprised when I found out the unexpected visitor was Rumplestiltskin. I think you blended the two stories together quite well. I would like to have known how Rumplestiltskin came to be in the shoemaker's shop, stitching splendid shoes every night. That might be the only detail that left me wanting more. It was sad to read that the shoemaker died, even though he died a wealthy man. You are a talented writer, and I look forward to reading more of your stories!
Thorpe
Hey Bailey! I love the Grimm Brothers fairy tales, and I like that you chose to use them for retelling. The idea of different characters wandering into different stories is really fun and unique! I like that it gives you a lot of room to explore different stories and situations while sticking to a single source. Your introduction is very conversational, which drew me in right away. I think you do a nice job here setting up the premise of your storybook and letting us know what stories you plan to tell. I wonder if there's a way you could make it more creative though? Maybe you could write it like a mother telling a kid a bedtime story? The actual stories were both great! I thought you did an excellent job of seamlessly weaving the story lines and characters together. I'm excited to see where you go from here. Keep up the awesome work!
ReplyDeleteHi Bailey. I love that you chose the Grimm Brothers fairy tales. I really enjoyed your collaboration of characters into different stories. I don't think I have the imagination for that, but you do a wonderful job of it. In your introduction you did a good job at bringing the reader in right away and telling us straight up the stories that you will be sharing. I would love to see you implement some theme into the introduction though, like someway of introducing your stories to the reader. Overall great work and can't wait to read more of your stories.
ReplyDeleteHi Bailey,
ReplyDeleteYour combination of different stories from the Brother's Grimm is so great and creative! The stories that you are choosing are well known classics so it is really refreshing to read your versions of them.
One way I think that you can make the reading experience even better is if you wrote your stories as if they were being told. The stories and fairy tales collected by the Grimm brothers were once passed along orally usually told during bedtime. It would be cool if you can set up the scene of a storyteller telling us the story instead of us just reading it. It would be so much more immersive that way!
I enjoy your theme and your website layout. The font and the colors are all inviting and it makes me really want to read your stories. Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading your other stories throughout the remainder of the semester!
I love the idea of your storybook in adding a guest from different fairy tales together. It was very interesting to see some characters appear in different setting. For the first story, I am confused by how the young kids trusted the Red Riding Hood to allow themselves to be swallowed by a wolf in order to help her rescues her grandmother. Wouldn’t they ever doubt that Red Riding Hood is a bad person? What if she is cannot rescue them from the wolf like they planned? Other than that, your story is great. For your second story, I really like the two stories you combined together. I think it is very clever. I have never thought that Rumplestiltskin would replace the elves, but the story turned out interesting. I actually don’t like the ending of the original Rumplestiltskin because I think he did not deserve to die. He made a deal with an ambitious girl who wanted to be Queen that she was will to sell her child. It was not his fault for keeping the deal, but his ending was sad. I love how you give him a better ending. I really like your stories. Keep the good work!
ReplyDeleteI really like the idea of having characters from different fairytales going into each others' stories. This seems to be a common theme in recent fairy tale adaptations, like the movie Hoodwinked. Given that most of the Brothers Grimm stories originated from areas that were geographically close, it seems likely that at least one or two of these characters would meet.
ReplyDeleteIn "Allerleirauh," you say she has "gold hair." You should write that as "golden hair," since her hair isn't made of gold. i'm not sure if you would want to use a different font for the storybook. There might be some gothic fonts available if you want it to look like a book published in the 1700s or 1800s. If these stories are more about oral recitation, this font is perfect.
Overall, I think this was a very strong storybook. I'd like to read more chapters where the characters from very different stories meet and interact.
So with the golden blonde hair I immediately thought of Rapunzel. Then when reading more into the story I thought it was like Cinderella. When reading your author's note I saw that they were similar to what I was thinking. I had never heard of the first story before. I think you did a great job in writing this story. I like how you took two stories and made them a story of your own. I also like the fact that you changed the part were the king married his daughter. I enjoy your ending to the story so much better. I also like the way that Aschenputtel is saved from her wicked stepmother by Allerleriauh. It makes the two stories really tie together. Again, I think you did a great job on writing this story. I can't wait to read more of your stories in the future! Keep up the creative work.
ReplyDeleteHi Bailey,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I have to admit that I loved reading all your stories as I found them all very fantastic. I really love how you combined stories and characters, this made everything much more interesting. Your style of writing is definitely original and I also like a lot your background, I believe the theme you have used and the letter style pulls the reader into the story. Your introduction is also very nice as it provided everything we needed to know about your stories before reading them. However, I did not really understand how did the wolf swallow the young kids while being aware of the danger. I am also very glad that you included Rumpelsiltskin because although being evil and dark, he is one of my favorite fairy tale characters. However, I did not really like that he dies at the end… Thank you for these amazing stories that I really enjoyed reading, keep it up!
Hey Bailey,
ReplyDeleteI think your stories are great. They flow together really well and after reading two of them I was like, “wait these are two different stories?” I like how it’s not even noticeable that you combined two different stories. In the story, “The Elves?” I think adding the Rumplestiltskin story was very fitting. The pictures you included also brought this story to life. As I was reading, I could picture this all together.
I really like how you add a story that people aren’t familiar with as well. For example, the story “Allerleirah.” I personally haven’t heard that story before so I was really interested when that I read that story.
Overall, I think you are doing an amazing job! This is a really great storybook!
Hey Bailey! I want to start by commenting on your storybook layout. It's organized with a great color scheme and the font really adds to your storybook. As for your writing, you chose a great subject to write over. The Grimm stories are perfect since there are so many stories, it leaves you with a lot of creative possibilities. Your introduction is pretty good, it's straight to the point which works. The title of your introduction really intrigues readers and makes them curious about who you are bringing into your stories. I really can't think of any criticism for your storybook. It was well written, I didn't see any mistakes with grammar or anything. They flow together really well. The two stories you combined was seamless. There was a story in your storybook that I had not read or even heard of which was a pleasant surprise. You did a great job!
ReplyDelete